Question: I have heard that the groom's family pays for the liquor at the reception.  Is this so? Or does the bride's family pay for it?

A: Traditionally the bride’s family pays for the entire cost of the reception, including the beverages.  Nowadays, however, traditional budget guidelines do not have to be followed as closely.  Often times one or both sets of parents do not contribute to the wedding at all.  It is also possible that one parent prefers to pay for a specific part of your wedding expenses.  Couples should work out the expenses for what ever works best for them.

Question: Do the bride and groom pay for the bridal party’s attire?

A:  The attendants in a bridal party are responsible to pay for their own attire.  It is always thoughtful to keep the expense in mind when choosing their outfits.  Some may choose to decline the offer to be a part of your wedding party due to the cost, however.  If you find an attendant cannot spare the expense, you can always discretely offer to help pay for part or all of their attire.  If you choose this option, again not a requirement, it is important to keep this between you and that attendant in order to avoid embarrassment or hurt feelings.

Question: The Wedding invitations have been mailed, along with the Response card for the Reception.  Is it proper etiquette for the bride and groom to contact those people who have not returned their Response cards?

A: Don’t worry!  It is not poor etiquette, but on the contrary, a necessity to contact those who have not responded.  Couples are often hesitant to call those who have not sent in their response card, for fear of being rude. Keep in mind, however, your caterer, not to

mention other services, require an accurate final head count of expected guests.  When your RSVP date has come and gone with missing responses, go ahead, pick up the phone and go down the list.  After all, no one wants to spend hundreds of dollars extra on

food, or worse, run out and have unfed guests!

Question: I am the Mother-of-the-Groom and want to wear white shoes to the wedding.  Is it appropriate to wear white "dyeable" shoes, or is this type shoe meant to be worn only if "dyed"? 

A:   It is perfectly acceptable to wear dyeable shoes un-dyed.  My suggestion, however, is to shop around.  You may find other white shoes for a better price than the dyeable version food, or worse, run out and have unfed guests!

Question: Is the Mother of the Bride allowed to wear a black dress to the wedding (shift with a silver jacket)?

A: Although, it is acceptable for guests to wear black to a wedding; etiquette still holds that Mothers of the bride and groom should not wear black.  Some may take this as a sign of mourning.  Usually the mothers will wear colors that compliment the wedding colors. 

Although some may say that white or ivory is acceptable in the case that the wedding color is white (and the bride is agreeing); I strongly suggest mothers and all guests to steer away from wearing white or ivory, as it can be considered as competing with the bride.

Q: What is the proper etiquette on who to / not to invite to the wedding?

A: Since weddings are so expensive, people usually understand that you can't invite the world. Here are tips on who doesn't have to be on the list:

1. Acquaintances. You don't have to invite people just because you're in touch with them. You may have some friends you see often at the gym or coffee shop, but that doesn't mean they need to be invited to your wedding. If you feel awkward not inviting them, just explain that you are having a small wedding.

2. Distant relatives. Don't feel compelled to invite your fourth cousin through marriage and other relatives if you've only met once in your life.

3. Coworkers. You aren't required to invite work colleagues just because you see them every day and they've heard you talk incessantly about your wedding plans. Besides, if they are just work friends, it probably would be uncomfortable for them to be invited to an event where you're the only person they know.

Q. How far in advance should I address and send wedding invitations?

A. You should probably start to address your wedding invitations three months before the wedding. (If you have a calligrapher, check with them four months before the wedding as to when they need your guest list and invitations.) Ideally, wedding invitations are sent 8 weeks before the wedding – allowing guests several weeks to make travel arrangements and arrange time off from work if necessary, before sending them back to you.

Remember, you'll need to get them back in advance so you can start labeling place cards, make final head counts, etc. Ask for an RSVP date 3 weeks before your wedding, if you sent them on time. At a minimum, send them out six weeks in advance, and set an RSVP date of 2 weeks before the wedding.

Q: Who should host an engagement party?

A: Traditionally, the bride’s parents host this, but in recent years this has opened up. Now, just about any relative on either side can host the party, as well as friends of the bride and groom. The hosts should be thanked with a small gift, flowers or perhaps a dinner invitation.

Q:  I understand I should purchase gifts for my attendants. What is appropriate?

A:  Options would include: pearl earrings, a jewelry box, crystal vase, small silver clock or a nice pen & pencil set.

Q:  What are the typical bridesmaids expenses?

A:  Bridesmaids are responsible for the purchase of the dress, shoes and all accessories. They should pay for all transportation to and from the wedding. Etiquette also says they should purchase an individual gift for the couple and share the cost of a luncheon, shower or co-ed party.

Q:  My father passed away last year. How can I still include him in the ceremony?

A:  A single rose on the alter, with an explanation in the program would be fitting. You could include a meaningful verse or quotation or a personal note, as well. At the reception you might want to dedicate a special song to him.

Q:  I’m having trouble narrowing down my list of attendants. Is seven too many?

A:  Yes, seven is probably stretching etiquette just a bit. Select your top four and ask them first. If one or more are unable to fill the role, then go down your list.

Q:  Is it proper to send invitations to the caterers, photographers, disc jockeys etc.?

A:  No, it’s generally not necessary and isn’t expected.

Q:  Should I mention where we are registered in our invitation?

A:  Any mention of registries, gifts, etc., is considered improper within an invitation.

Q:  My co-workers (twenty of them) are throwing a shower for me. Am I obligated to invite them all to the wedding and reception?

A:  No, you need not. If it’s a “work” shower, thrown with coworkers only, and not your main shower, you do not need to invite everyone.

Q:  How long does the bride have to send thank-you notes?

A:  In times past 3-4 months was acceptable, but in our hurry-up society 4-6 weeks is more appropriate. Also, etiquette indicates all thank-yous should be hand-written, on nice notepaper.

Q:  Our pastor has no fee, but said we could make a donation toward custodial services. How much should we donate?

A:  First of all, tipping the officiate is traditional and in good taste. However, the amount varies throughout the world. As a general figure, I’d suggest $100-$200. Have the best man give the money to the officiate, explaining that some is custodial and some is for his/her kindness.

Q:  I have both a father and stepfather. How do I handle the father/daughter dance at the reception?

A:  They could each get a full dance with you. If you select this option, dance with man you feel closest to first. On the other hand, if there’s any family friction (or if this will cause friction) you could omit this dance from the event.

Q:  Should meal choices be listed on response cards or should we just select one meal?

A:  Both are acceptable. As a side note, chicken is the most popular choice.